A Father Figure

[I wrote this on 23 Sep 2013. It was first published on tumblr.com/sgchristianteacher]

We were singing "Behold Our God" in church today in service and as I was reading the lyrics of the song, I was thinking about how I should regard the majesty and greatness of God. Just then a corollary thought hit me about the way I should relate to my students. I was so preoccupied with this new idea that I couldn't really pay attention to anything else the rest of the service.

It's about being a father figure to my students.

It's quite possibly the first time I thought of myself in this way, and very uncomfortably so. Not only am I relatively young and not even married (and hence not a parent), I never had a proper father figure myself. It makes me very nervous to even think about being a "father" to my students, and so far that's never been the archetype that I've modeled my relationships with students after. I'm usually adopting the "older brother" or "cool dude" model of relating to students, which I have since realized has plenty of inherent problems.

But there's a good argument on why I need to think of myself more like a father to my students and less of a "cool buddy". It's about (indirectly) teaching my students how they should relate to God. Theologically speaking, a real life father-child relationship is a gift from God to teach us how God as the father relates to us as children. The father is the protector and provider who sacrificially loves his children (and its really important the children know this), but the father is also the disciplinarian, and the one who teaches the child how to respect and follow authority.

The latter part in particular, is essential because a father-child relationship is perhaps the only real life model of what it means to "fear the Lord". We fear God not because we doubt his loving-kindness towards us, nor do we fear that he might throw a tantrum and smite us. We fear God because we understand our place before him, and the reverence that we owe him. In the modern day context (with no more true monarchies) the only place we see this displayed on Earth is in a sacrificially loving but firm father. A father who is concerned not just with the child's feelings and happiness, but also the child's growth and understanding about what are the right (i.e. godly) behaviors, desires and values that he/she should adopt. I am aware there is a tension between the two, and to be honest if I am a real-life father I'm not sure if I can hold this tension in balance myself.

Yet, I can plainly see the real-life fathers of my students failing to play either (or both) roles well. It's not my place to criticize them...I know too well the fallen realities of this world. But this does mean that it may be my job to supplement them as a secondary father figure to my students (and for a few of them, the primary father figure even). I have limitations of how much "fathering" I can do of course...I do have 200 students. But by the way I conduct my lessons and if I can be consistent with the way I interact with my students outside class, perhaps I can help to model what it is like to be an authority figure (who clearly wants you to follow and respect authority) yet be selflessly loving.

This is the idea, but its going to be hard for two reasons. One, students are by default hostile to the concept of authority. And probably not just students, all of us too. It may not even be possible for the modern individualistic person to conceive of an authority which is also selflessly loving at the same time. Perhaps I will write a separate lengthy discussion on the concept of authority at a later time. The second reason is I think I kinda suck at being an authority figure...and this probably goes back to my own lack of a father figure, and my own lack of understanding of fatherly love.

But this too is a blessing. For when I am faced with my shortcomings, it is when I am most humbled and when I realize my reliance is not on my own strength, but God and the work of the Holy Spirit. May I continually be able to remind myself of my deficiencies, such that Christ may be better glorified through me.